Selamat Berpuasa

Annoucing the arrival of Ramadhan... Alhamdulillah. 

Rasa macam tak percaya je. Time has been flying fast man. Sure, it feels like forever since the last Ramadhan but I still can't believe that it has arrived for this year.

I am hoping for a lot of improvements this year... dari segi macam2 la.  I hope to be a better servant of Him, lebih ikhlas and consistent in doing ibadah, and lebih bertawakkal and percaya pada ketentuanNya. Sometimes, i feel that life has been quite tough on me.. tapi padahal there're so many rahmat and nikmat that I've received and that I should be more bersyukur. Jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang bersyukur ya Allah.

This year has created another achieved milestone for me as I went for umrah last April. To be there, in front of Kaabah is truly amazing. The experience is hard to be described by words.  Maybe I could try another entry just for that. The dissappointing thing is that i don't do as much improvement on myself after coming back from umrah. Tak ada consistency, istiqamah. Bila rasa rajin buat, bila tak.. hmmmm...  Astaghfirullahaladziim.

So yeah, selamat berpuasa, Maah zahir batin. Semoga Ramadhan tahun ini lebih baik dari tahun2 sebelumnya :)

I'm back :)

I think it has been berkurun since i last blogged here.. but all things considered, i think i should start writing again.  This could be like a sort of mental therapy.

Last week we had a Sentuhan Kasih event organized by the company at Kampung Orang Asli.  Liza, Fira and i carpooled there during the night before event for 'melawat kawasan'.  Little did we know that the hampers are not ready. So, dah sampai tu dengan baju2 kurung ni terus la duduk and re-packed the hamper.  I felt sooo melekit. After having dinner of nasi goreng cendawan at taman melawati, we got to my house to pick up my things.  I slept at liza's house that night so that its easier for us to go together in the morning.  We arrived home around 12 ok. The next morning plan was to be at KLCC area around  630am.  Hmmm, memang tak la kan.

It was like a kenduri kawin except that there's no bride or groom :) We cooked, mingled with the community, contribute to Ramadhan hamper, play with the kids etc. But, kids being kids memang penat jugak nak layan.  Some of them are just stubborn, some are cheeky, some are even grumpy hahaha. At the end of the event we just sat there lepak.  Suddenly, some of the kids datang bawak anak kura2. Comel sangat, rasa nak bawak balik je. I think it was not hard for them to find another... kampung dia tu tepi sungai je. 

I always think that i would love to do more volunteer.  It's like living with a purpose. Before this i thought it would be cool and fun to be part of a bigger volunteer group like helping tsunami victims or joining the palestine or menyelamatkan mangsa tanah runtuh whatsoever.  But now that i just completed one, it's actually more than meets the eye... it requires a lot of work, and energy. Your mental and physical are both challenged. Buat 1 day event pon dah rasa nak pengsan. So yeah, i don't think i'm ready for a more serious kind of volunteer work .

Ya Allah, please give me more courage and capability so that i'll be a more purposeful servant. Amiin.

Let's talk about love :)

Title macam la tajuk movie. It's just that I noticed that love is a already a distant topic to me. Maybe it's due to work commitment, or just that as you go older you become more matured and practical, which means you become less emotional and romantic... not adding the fact that by this time, most of the men you meet are already married, engaged or have a stable relationship which also means that you have pretty limited options. But, not to worry because jodoh is all ketentuan, you have no say over it...

I used to be a very romantic kind of girl... or the words that i use today "stupid". I used to believe that when I meet the right person, I will know it. So, when I had this huge crush over a guy I met in my teens, I really do believe that he's the one for me... and I waited for him to realize that I am the one for him... for a freaking 4 years!! I never confess my feelings face to face because I've my pride and its huge hehe... but I knew then that he knew that I like him, and he also knew that I knew that he knew, because everybody knew (so much for my pride la kan).

In the end, "we" didn't happen. I was crushed, brokenhearted, rebound, crushed again (there's a long story here), and picked myself up again - my study was already tunggang langgang at this point. Then I fell in love with another guy, and I thought "oh, maybe its him". But it didn't work out as well... and so the story recycled with few others.

The point is, I DON'T KNOW and I don't have the right instinct on who might be the right guy. It definitely is not like in those romance movies or novels where you can stop weddings just because you know he's the one for you, and he would run to you after you said "STOP!!!". In real life, if you do the same, you could be the hate object of the guy you loved not to mention his wife :P and you could lose your lifetime chance to be even just friends.

So, now that I am more practical, I would try not to fall in love with a guy, unless I truly believe that he feels the same way... or until he confess his love for me. Mutual understanding or paham2 sendiri is a no-no option. More than words is also not an option. Instinct or gut feeling also have to be avoided. This is the heart protection plan and I hope that this time it would work, because I am tired. Wish me luck :)

random

It has been a while since i last wrote in here. I barely even remember that I have this blog, and I only write when I feel like writing, which is NOT frequent since most of the time i've to write on things i don't want to write i.e. memo, reports, business letters etc.

My thoughts are usually random, and i like it that way. I'm not saying that i like chaos but i don't like rules, and procedures, and process. In my line of work, these things are key which i totally do not agree. Everything is made only as a guideline, but in the end, a company has to do what it has to do... and that is to make profit... tons of profit, and if that means you have to be practical on things.

Nowadays, i feel like i don't have a clear goal in life. I don't know what's the reason behind me working hard, stay back in the office until late at night, chase people around so that things would move.. except for 1 reason..... responsibility. I guess for me this is the biggest driver, that have to make things work for my project, my bosses, colleagues, myself and my family. This is the real truth, that facing all these challenges actually means something to me, that i do feel satisfied once i completed some part of my never ending work. It's part of my learning, and it has become a part of my life.

I need to polish my writing skills. I sometimes thought that if i need a change of direction in terms of career, I'll become a writer. Let's try some...

The girl was staring at the sky. It was bright with millions of stars on a clear night. "If only I can gaze at this a while longer" she thought. Unfortunately, she had to rush somewhere else. She is going to meet someone who's going to change her life. Or rather, someone she hopes could change her life.

Ok, it's not easy to write... hehe. This is crap man. I need to have another backup plan... like running a restaurant, or i don't know... mm... join an orchestra???

Masalah Kegemukan

Salam

topic today is on weight management hehe. Macam mana ni, pressure ok, my weight keeps on increasing and my body shape dah out of shape... eh, round is also a shape...

Tapi serious dah gemuk, what should i do. Rasa cam nak tekan panic button. Well, it adds up la, perut dah makin buncit, baju dah tak muat, seluar pon dah asik kene beli baru je, pipi dah makin tembam. It's just wrong la. I never thought i would be this fat... i should loose 20kgs... healthily. Yes, i don't know how, but i must work towards it. Ok, this is my new resolution... or rather old resolution made new.

Fighting!!

Weddings at JB

What a tiring weekend! Just got back from JB attending 3 weddings.. well, 2 of them kat JB and 1 kat segamat. There's 5 of us in the car, so macam penuh sarat, campur lagi dengan 2 kotak icebox full of otak-otak and otak-otak derivatives kat seat...hahaha... but it was full of fun as well.

I really need a break la, and going out with friends seems like a good idea. I need more break like this, well maybe not to kenduri kawin la because cam restricted sikit schedule, but definitely more outings la.

Dulu macam pernah plan with friends to naik kayak/canoe from pulau perhentian besar sampai perhentian kecik or pusing keliling perhentian kecik. That would be fun right. But of course, we had to move to different departments, outfit and semua dah jauh2 and makin busy.. nak2 pulak some of the said friends to dah jadi manager and makin busy, so kira berkubur je la plan ni.

Tapi tula, walaupun nowadays dah kurang sikit activity dengan kawan-kawan i noticed that throughout my life, I've been blessed with good friends... great friends.. that made me feel so lucky. Those who know me would know that I'm not a really independent person, and all this while I've been away from my family since masuk form 1, my friends never fail to take care of me... like, be there to support me, and be with me when i got result teruk ke, when i was heartbroken macam nak mati ke, when i was homesick ke... bila-bila lah. Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful of this, and I hope so far I've also been a good friend...

Bntulu Trip

I just had this meeting in Bintulu yesterday. At first, tak nak pergi sebab ada banyak kerja yang still pending. But, since the team at site dah call semua suruh datang, datang la jugak, but balik hari.

I chosed the air asia morning flight at 7am and balik by the evening flight around 7, tapi flight balik tu habis. So nak tak nak the best one is to go through Kuching and get the midnight flight from kuching at 11, sampai klia patutnya 1240 ok, jangan tak lambat la kan.

malam tu dah tak nyenyak dah tidur, sebab takut terlepas flight. At 4am sharp, bangun and bersiap semua by 440am gerak la to LCCT (transportation courtesy of my beloved dad). Sampai bintulu my friend kat site picked up, bawa pi meeting, discuss apa patut, lunch, then petang lepas kerja straight pi airport. Flight to kuching bagus, on time.

Sampai je kuching tengok2 flight dia delay la pulak. From 11 dah jadi 1125. Bateri phone pulak dah tinggal satu bar. Sudah, time camni la nak jadi semua benda critical. Dahla bapak saya yang kena ambik kat airport tengah2 malam buta tu. Kesian and rasa bersalah sangat ok, tapi dia tak bagi naik taxi sebab risau anak pompuan dia ni sorang2. Pukul 1110 camtu, dia annouce delay lagi dah jadi 1145. Aku pon ambik beg letak kat penyandar kerusi tu baring (secara sopan). Tapi sejuk la pulak, tak boleh nak tido dah.

Pukul 1130 rasanya flight tu baru sampai. Orang pon semua muka dah mengantuk dah. Sampai je dalam flight tak sampai berapa minit terus lelap. Ntah berdengkur ke apa nasib la hoho. Sampai almost pukul 2am.

Abah dah tunggu kat bawah dah. Pergi kat parking tak jumpa kereta, hah sudah lagi satu cerita pulak. Pergi naik lift tengok floor atas, tak ada. Turun balik, tak ada. Pegi every floor cari kereta, tak ada. Aku ni dah bukak dah kasut (sebab dah lenguh), jalan kaki ayam je cari kereta. Pastu abah teringat, dia parking kat B bukan C & D section, naik balik kat terminal, pusing lift lagi satu, baru jumpa kereta. By that time dah 230. Kesian abah, dia mengantuk sangat la tu, sampai main blah je after parking, tak ingat kat mana. Haa, jenuh la jugak anak beranak ni mencari kereta sampai setengah jam.

By the time sampai rumahpukul 330 dah. Hari ni masuk office ala2 zombie hahaha. Buat kerja pon tak ada mood. Baik tido bintulu balik kl hari ni kalau camni gayanya. Lesson learnt ni... tak payah la menyeksa diri sampai jadi tak efficient. Lagipon company bukannya tau apa yang kita sacrifice untuk dia. By the time appraisal, dia nak bagi teruk dia bagi gak, ada issue dia nak salahkan kita, dia buat gak...